I was sitting in the pit bleachers Second Night chit-chatting with the parents of a figure-8 racer and Mrs. Booger (that’s Lori Walker for the uninformed). During one of the lengthy periods of downtime between races, I was asked why I liked the demos so much. Correction, I was actually asked: with as little as I know about cars, why I liked the demos so much.

Admittedly, it doesn’t make much sense because I really don’t know anything about cars. If I’m looking under someone’s hood prior to the race and start asking questions like “What’s that weird looking thing there?” it means one of two things: 1) I’m looking at a very poor build, or 2) I’m looking at Zac VanAllen’s car; VanAllen is the TDA’s Smokey Yunick. Head official Brian Anderson loves to give me a hard time about the fact that he once convinced me that a given brand of motor oil was green because it was moldy.

After some deliberation, I realized that the reason I love the demos is because of the stories.

From elementary school on, I’ve always been attracted to story telling. And, so far in my life, I have yet to find any place or event that generates more awesome stories than the team demo races at the Route 66 Raceway. I mean, sometimes the real stories are even better than the rumors!

Saturday was no different. The stories were fantastic… I just wish the racing wasn’t so god awful. My three favorite stories of the evening involved one with a mind-blowing conclusion, one with former Full Throttle driver, Steve Schaefer and one with Orange Crush driver Levi Turnbaugh. There is a fourth story involving Schaefer and Turnbaugh that I was told that I highly recommend (regardless of whether it’s true or not), but I’m not going to repeat it here.

STORY #1

In the first round, the white team was facing the black team (Chicago Hitmen vs. The Crazy 8s). A black car crossed the finish line and won the race… FOR THE WHITE TEAM!

For whatever reason—possibly because of engine issues one of their cars was having—see Story #2—the white team took the track with three white cars and one black car. It’s not common for teams to drive with different colored cars, but it’s not unusual. What’s unusual is when a team races with one of their opponents cars and then wins with that very car.

I have no idea whether racing with a black car helped the Hitmen—the black car was the car that won the race—but it sure was funny looking on the track.

STORY #2

Just prior to the singing of the National Anthem there was a moment of silence. Whether this was purposeful or a hiccup in the scheduling, I’m not sure. Everyone in the pit bleachers was standing facing the scoreboard and the flag there and quiet. A car for Team 2 was driving from the north side of the pit area to the team 2 pit. It was as silent as a Prius. We could actually hear the gravel/dirt crunching under its tires. Schaefer looked at the Team 2 car with his jaw open and in a fit of unbridled confusion loudly blurted out, “What the fuck is that thing?” The National Anthem immediately started then.

It was a moment of pure, delightful comedy. Schaefer should be doing color commentary for the TV broadcasts for Team Demo events.  And I still have no idea what was going on with that Team 2 car.

STORY #3

Immediately upon conclusion of the final race between Mean Green Machine and Orange Crush (that Mean Green Machine won), Green’s Zac VanAllen drove up to the flag stand to celebrate and, in the process of doing so, slammed into the back of Orange Crush crusher, Turnbaugh.

There is a wonderful rivalry in the TDA between Zac VanAllen and every driver that is not on Green, but no one likes VanAllen less than the guys on Orange Crush. Turnbaugh witnessed VanAllen crash into his car, got out, tackled VanAllen and began punching him in the head… while VanAllen was still wearing his helmet.

The crowd erupted. Peals of laughter were heard throughout the pits. It wasn’t malicious, it wasn’t a weird sense of schadenfreude where VanAllen was getting what he deserved, it was simply that Turnbaugh was out there PUNCHING A GUY IN THE HELMET!!!

When Turnbaugh returned to the pits, a huge crowd rushed out to meet him… and slap him on the back. Guys were offering him drinks, people were clapping and high-fiving him. It was hard not to watch the surreal scene unfold and do anything but smile.

At the beginning of the year, the TDA had a slight name-recognition problem. With all but a few of its badass veteran drivers retired,* some even going so far as to move to Arizona, there weren’t any drivers who stood out as being the face of the league.

* By my count, there are eight drivers who have five or more years of racing under their belts: Elmer Fandrey, Ron Tyrakowski, Dave “Repo” Swan and Turnbaugh on Orange Crush; “Sneaky” Pete Ryan, Zac VanAllen and Jay VanAllen on Mean Green Machine and “Speedy” Steve Vollbrecht on Full Throttle. And Mean Green Machine’s Andrew Sherman is poised to join this group very shortly. Is it any wonder than Orange, Green and Full Throttle are the three teams expected to challenge for the championship?

For years, the TDA has had incredibly talented drivers that the fans knew, who raced for contending teams and represented the kick-ass, bad-to-the-bone style of racing that the league markets. Guys whose names other drivers were relieved to hear were on the other side of the bracket. Guys like Steven and Art Scarbro, Steve Gursky Jr., Ryan Bleuer, Johnny Ryan, Tom “Brickman” Lewis, Robbie Stahulak and Garrett “Big Kahuna” Vanderbilt.

In April of 2017, the TDA didn’t seem to have a face. After two races, I think it found its face: Turnbaugh.

Turnbaugh’s been racing for years. During my first night in the pits while following Reckoning (May of 2010), Turnbaugh’s team, Seek-N-Destroy won the night and the indelible image I have of that is Turnbaugh walking off the track (while the race was still technically going) flipping off the crowd.

It brought to mind that wonderful quote from The Simpsons. After Homer quits working at the Kwik-E-Mart, the store’s owner, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon watches him walk out the door and says, “He slept [on the job], he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.”

That’s the way I feel about Turnbaugh, “He flipped people off, he started fights with other drivers, he occasionally raced while, uh, feeling less than 100%, but still, there goes the most exciting damned demo driver the TDA has.”

Turnbaugh is blasting people on the track, has helped get his team to two straight finals* and has become a driver that teams need to game plan for. He has stepped up his game when the league needed it most. Here’s hoping that they don’t suspend him for his role in the aforementioned altercation for Third Night. It’s been a true joy and pleasure watching him race this year.

* I know, I know, it’s not that hard nowadays. I fully expect Orange and Green to meet up in the finals every night this year. In the event that they are on the same side of the bracket, I expect Full Throttle to meet the victor of the Orange vs. Green race there. If Orange, Green and Full Throttle are all on the same side, I expect a weird battle of attrition to take place on the opposite side where the team that ends up in the finals has four cars that are four different colors.

CONCLUSIONS

Mean Green Machine won the night Second Night. They raced hard and they raced so well it seemed almost clinical. They deserve extreme praise for what they did. It’s just interesting that all I’m going to remember from this night is Turnbaugh punching a guy in the helmet.